4/21/2022

Around 3:28 a.m. on Wednesday morning.

When sleep came, I found myself in a dream where Leah was putting together one of her parties. The party was huge, many diverse people were invited, all stripes and genders and whatnot. As usual, Leah ignored me and I lacked any worth nor merit as a husband or ex-husband or even a friend. I found my sister was therebut she ignored me amidst the rush of guests. Among the crowdwas this girl Gry from elementary school. A woman I knew from Colorado, Jenn. My friend Tim was there. I kept finding these distant constellations of friendship in the galaxy of Leah, how they were there for me despite Leah. At one point I could psychically tell that Leah had been making me into a joke among all the loverse she took during hte last few years of our marriage, trash talking me, my body, my soul, my mind. I kept reaching out to people with my phone since it seemed the easiest and most discreet way of communicating among the crush. A few times Leaah spoke to me as if I was a real guest rather than someone she *had* to invite to keep up appearances and demonstrate herself as a martyr for sacrificing so much to and because of me.

Towards the end of the dream is when the nightmare began. The party was wnding down but it was still daylight. I was trying to find my friends but I couldn't find them. I found a circle of couches and Leah was on one of htem under a comforter. I think a few of "my" friends were in that circle dozing. I went over to Leah and there was this fat samoan with a shadow of a moustache and disgusting black dreads being her big spoon.

"Get up"

The samoan llooked at me and laughed a twisted laugh, a laugh of a retard. Leah gave me one of those patented Leah looks where she doesn't believe this is happening but whatever its Chris and he's unhinged. I began beating the ever-living shit out of the samoan who began to look like the artist friend of a throuple the more I beat him, each fist struck harder and harder, but not faster. Leah's spirit was broken and couldn't protest my violnce. My ists connected with his fat flabby face a few more times then I woke.

When I woke, it was if I wasn't asleep in the first place. I could feel the heat was pumping despite the vent being closed and my window being open. I went into the hallway, turned down the heat. Fired up the computer, logged in, and dumped a rough draft of this nightmare.

hello wilbur

Cutting and pasting without permission.

Hottie was born a dummy foal.. So his kidney and the farm owner attribute his behavior problems to hypoxia. I work with him everyday and noticed he exhibits the same symptoms as an autistic person. He is adverse to change, all things have to be the way they are supposed to be. He didn't like to be toucched in some ways, but loves being touoched in others. He has a hard time making friends, he's annoying because he gets hyper focused on playing. He is desperate for attention, but doesn't like to be told what to do. He's a clown, he likes playing practical jokes.

One day, must during the typical work day, I walked up to Hottie and he lifted his nose to my face as though he was going to give me a kiss. So I pickered up to kiss him and he opened his mouth and empted a mouthful of warm water onto my cheek and it ran down my face and neck into my t-shirt. That clown had the presence of mind to hold water in his mouth until I came by for him to spit it on. None of the other farm workers would have stopped at his stall, only me. This was a premeditated targeted joke!

and so...

Spent Wednesday in Monmouth. Got the county caught up because I'm a fucking superstar. Back home I brought the old broken printer out to my car with the box for the new printer. New printer is hooked up and works, but tomorrow I'll have the tech guy remote in and ensure I have everything set up right. I smoked weed on Wednesday night for 4/20. Yay. I cooked sausage and pasta for dinner but I didn't defrost the sausage and I think it's undercooked despite being burnt on the outside. Hoping the rest of my week is spent in Ocean county.