4/23/2022

On Thursday night I was treated to dinner by my soon-to-be ex-mother-in-law and Leah. Nothing really changed because they took it as an opportunity to talk amongst themselves while I saw and acted as a disinterested audience. I tried to talk about Disco Elysium but I kept getting interrupted which was frustrating since Disco Elysium is important to me.

Leah made an offhand comment about going on a trip with a "Jay" and I shut down. I don't talk about my life and go to great lengths to not show anything about it. Not that my life is anything great but it's mine. I ate in silence for the rest of the night. On the way home Leah was trying to affirm how I'm an important person to her, but she'd back it up with a 'slap' of 'just a friend' and shit in that vein. I just stared out the passenger window in silence 'til I said I'm not ready to answer those kinds of questions. Leah seems to be reaching out, and making an effort at it, but I have no idea why.

Maybe she wants someone to mow her lawn.

I had a very vivid moment in a dream. I don't recall something this real in a while. It was a dream flashback to dinner on Thursday night. My eyes were looking at my right forearm while I rested my chin on my right fist. I awoke with a start.

On Friday I ate an edible for the first time in a long time. Took a bit for it to kick in, but I had a good time once I started rolling and went to bed around seven. Woke around 11:30 feeling confused, texted my friend in Egg Harbor City, and went back to sleep. Got up again around 3, peed, played Hurgle, waited for sleep again, slept, then went to sit on the back deck for a bit in my robe.

On Saturday I realized my preferred local bagel place, Chamo's, is probably lucky for me. As I mentioned earlier this month, someone unexpectedly bought my breakfast order for me at the place. Today I was going to pick up breakfast, turned left onto Route 35, and it seemed to get the attention of the police. I made it all the way to Chamo's before they decided to turn on their lights. Apparently turning left on Route 35 is against the law, I've never seen the sign saying "No Left Turn" before, and they let me off with a warning. Whew.

Saturday night I sold my remaining edibles to the tenant downstairs for $20. I kept a cookie for myself. Went to the store, bought more mango lemonade, cookies, Frito Scoops, and a pint of ice cream leaving me with five bucks. Thing is when I got out of my car, I thought of Leah and was overwhelmed with a feeling of being nothing without her. Simply lost on the waves.