4/27/2022

Work sent me a ton of jobs to complete on Tuesday. Of course, being reasonable, they wouldn't expect me to finish everything except I'm pretty sure my manager's direct report knows my psychology and takes advantage of my mindset. What made matters worse is the fact the new printer my company provided me came with a toner cartridge. The toner cartridge was only good for fewer than 500 sheets of printouts. I guess that's how Brother tries to ensure its cash grab with Brother "genuine" toner and whatnot turns a penny. Assholes. So I'm finishing my first 60 year search of the day and while printing out a mortgage the toner runs out.

I request new toner. Try to do jobs paperless but it's more work than necessary and decide to go into the county early, in addition to keeping my afternoon appointment. Making matters even worse, my left heel is acting up requiring me to boot-up. I pop four ibuprofen and I'm on my way.
At the end of the day I've completed a mountain of work. I have a leftover note and a leftover present owner which made me spin my tires. Eight fulls, five notes, and two follow-ups from issues last week meant I completed a lot more than expected of me. Yet it kept going through my head that I am not Boxer from Animal Farm. I don't want to be Boxer. For those of you playing along at home Boxer is the hardworking yet naïve horse who works himself to death and his reward is being sent to the slaughterhouse so the pigs can buy booze. I'm barely earning a living wage and it grates on me every time I come home to this 11x11 (3.35 meters x 3.35 meters) room. Compounding the fact is being alone and the majority of my social interactions are virtual. I don't want someone to save me, nor do I want to save someone. I think it's quite a conundrum, to be honest, and I'm telling myself that my current mood right now is from being tired having busted my ass from 7:30 a.m. 'til 5:00 p.m. for the bare basics.

Now that I'm showered, my fingernails have been trimmed, and my left heel isn't hurting that bad, I am assuring myself my mood is situational and not endemic.