8/10/2022

Went to sleep around 6 p.m. on Tuesday and woke with a start sometime after 8:30 p.m.
Dreamt that I was at an intersection with two vehicles in front of me. The intersection was the light at Meisel Avenue and Milltown Road on the corner with the formerly run-down red house with a white picket fence which is now painted navy blue and, if I recall correctly, now lacks a fence.
A black pickup truck on the right and a white pickup truck on the left. The latter was significantly older and beat up than the former. Both trucks took up one lane and I was behind them. Light turned green, they drove forward and began inching closer and closer to each other. I wasn't keeping back for some reason and when they finally impacted each other, my car hit the trucks hard. Compared to a pickup truck my car is small and I was remarkably surprised at how when I hit the pair both vehicles spun to the side while my front end continued pushing into them. The impact was remarkably tactile, I could feel the impact, the struggling tires, the shock to my body, along with watching the world spin around.
This is when I woke with a start.

On Monday Leah asked if I could stop at the house and take care of the cats because she was six miles away in Seaside Heights or Seaside Park with her family on a vacation. All afternoon on Monday Leah was texting and phoning me, my phone was turned silent because I need to concentrate, because she was worried about Handsome Pete being left outside. I asked her how Kira was doing and she said she hadn't see Kira since Saturday night but she wasn't worried. First thing I parked in front of the house and called for Kira, looked in the neighbor's yard under her bush in case Kira was underneath there to beat the heat to no avail. Walked around the house in hopes of finding Pete to no avail. I went inside, did small things, cooled down, then returned to the front stoop to hold vigil for Kira.

Let me tell you, since Saturday or Sunday the temperatures have been brutal being in the 90s Fahrenheit / 30s Celsius / 300 Kelvin but felt significantly hotter in addition to the humidity. Eventually I found Handsome Pete lounging under a bush on our property, he gave a merry chase but eventually I caught him and dragged him inside.

No sign of Kira.

When I spoke with Leah, she began over-talking, giving too much information and conjecture. I ended the call by telling her she wasn't helping things. A little before 5 p.m. with no sign of Kira, I left for the 'hood. I texted Leah the situation and asked her not to text back or exascerbate my mood which was already frazzled after a hectic, heavy day at work, my profound concern for Kira's well-being, and being worried because I didn't find Lilah in the house. I framed my concern for Kira in the same context as her concern for Handsome Pete. It's way too fucking hot for a cat to be outside, especially an elderly cat. A cat who is going deaf according to Leah's experience.

To Leah's credit, she backed the fuck off.

On Tuesday I took care of the cats, found Lilah in a dark corner, but after an hour there was no sign of Kira. I didn't let Handsome Pete outside and he can handle a few days of cabin fever.

Already I feel there's a tear in my heart which will only get worse without sign of Kira.

If anything happened to Kira, it's Leah's fault.