7/17/2022

I became aware of my dream early on Sunday morning. I was someplace bright and green, there were tall trees around a field. I was with my friend Elbert when Leah decided to stop by and start talking with him. She went a blue streak about what an awful husband I was and enumerated all of my sins to him. I heard it before except her cadance was fast and clipped, plus she was maintaning eye contact with me rather than Elbie. After several more minutes I asked her to stop, explained how she was yelling at Elbie in order to yell at me. I got up, picked up my lounger, and walked away. I looked up at the sky, remarked at how clear it was, then set down my lounger again next to an old tin shed where I was in the shade though I had a patch of sun nearby.

Later I found myself being driven somewhere by Elbie. I cried and told him how I was upset that he said nothing despite being my friend, punctuated with me saying "I considered killing myself" whereupon the scene changed to my therapist's office. Nothing happened but she was sitting across from me waiting for me to speak. Nothing happened but I think I left, yet I don't recall leaving.

Finally I find myself at a gathering with many people who I don't remember from waking life. Someone has a tax sale certificate bearing my handwriting that they dug out of the trash. When everyone got up, I go over to examine it and realize it's from a search I performed in 2003. nota bene: I started as a title searcher in August of 2019. I consider putting down two of my business cards, the Ouija board-looking cards, on the seats of two women with "Be well" written on the back but I don't get the opportunity since I was indecistive. By then everyone came back to the table, I think this is a buffet, and I start talking about how I'd like to make my handwriting into a font explaining how there are online tools to facilitate such an endeavor. A blonde and WASP-ish girl sitting to my right starts reciting Jewish letters, "Yod, vav" are the only two I recognize as a dyed-in-the-wool goy, and I lean over to whisper with an exceedingly good Jackie Mason impression, "So you're a tribesman?" She laughs and says yes then confides, "You know we're everywhere. We could be anyone!" I take her left hand in my right hand, I note there's a gold ring around her right hand's thumb.

I walked on the Asbury Park boardwalk for the first time in about a year. Left a voicemail for my friend Tim in Massachusetts. My right foot hurt but I think I have a low-grade gout flare in there and the manner in which I strode caused stress and pain. Left after an hour, hit Shop Rite, spent $19 on shitty groceries, and came back to finish The Night Ocean by Paul La Farge, iced my right foot, and went to sleep.

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