3/20/2022

On Thursday I took my soon-to-be ex-wife out to dinner for her birthday. Probably a good idea since going to an Italian restaurant on an Irish holiday meant there was plenty of room at Jimmy's. Dinner was good and the price was about what I expected, we talked about stuff and gratefully nothing was brought up about our current social lives. Mostly talked about marijuana, drugs, and whatnot.
One topic kept coming up: Edna. And it was at the forefront of Leah's mind.
Again I reiterated how whatever Edna did to hurt me is between myself and Edna, and even though this is not a kiss-and-tell situation I'm not one to kiss-and-tell anyway.
I did relate the one time during my dabbling in bookkeeping how I had an impure thought about Edna. We were looking to buy a second-hand desk for me to use while bookkeeping and were browsing a warehouse full of second-hand furniture. Edna, having ADHD, was everywhere and fascinated by all the old stuff waiting to be given a good home. At one time she found something low to the ground, got on all fours, her wide, child-bearing hips were up in the air and I thought, "Jesus Christ" in admiration but swiftly followed by, "She's married!" and "She's a liberal evangelical!" and "I'm married!" and "She's Leah's friend!" In the same breath I mentioned the time I went into the master bedroom to talk to Leah in bed and Edna came in with me, but Leah told Edna to go. After Edna left, Leah said, "I get it. You're like brother and sister."

Despite Leah's attempts to get me to spill my beans, I was resolute.

Yet her ministrations picked away at the hard scab shaped like Edna in my mind. On Friday and Saturday morning I found it 'bleeding' a tiny bit and it disturbed me.
Woke on Friday, and Edna was there.
Woke on Saturday, and Edna was there.
Spoke with a few people in my social circle and Edna came up. I felt weird that I was talking about her but there was no judgement nor calls for me to change the subject. I'm grateful for this. Still I thought I had packed Edna away for the sake of my sanity, but rather than shoving her into the crawlspace behind boxes of other memories I believe I merely covered her with a white sheet.

Fuck.

I dreamt that I had called Bonequest Hi-Fi and was leaving a message on its voicemail, but the guy who runs the site started talking back to me much to my surprise. I did have a request but that request did not survive the rigors of wakefulness. And then I woke up to have myself a pee.