10/14/2022

Two dreams. Brief ones. Vignettes mostly.

Last night's dream had me in a room and being lectured or taught by the Bajoran chief of security on the U.S.S. Cerritos, Shaxs. I don't recall the topic but I just remember he was wearing a red officer's uniform. He still had the cataract-y eye and grizzled visage.

My dream while I napped in Leah's guest room with Kira resting against my head had me in my room in Neptune. Night had fallen but I was awake in the darkness and singing a weird, happy little ditty. I heard a soft knock at my door, cracked it open, and the guy from across the hall who probably keeps weird hours said to me in his accent, "Please keep it down, I'm trying to sleep." He was very nice about it and I did keep it down. So much so that I woke up.

Thursday was a day full of anxiety and barely suppressed frustration and anger. Since it's slow due to a soft housing market, I did have a few minutes in-county alone where I verbally expressed myself to the audient void. Wound up being sent a note making me redo something I did a few days ago which pissed me off. I redid the work, I showed my work, printed out indexes to show everything was correct in the first place except on the runsheet I recited the wrong deed even though the record owners were run in the correct date range.
My annoyance was amplified when I asked field if they could send me a file, since I don't have access to those files in-county, so I could review and see if my mistake was as bad as I imagined. I got a response which came across as incredulous and implying I shouldn't even be bothering them for such stupid reasons. So I phoned field, left a message that was apologizing for bothering them but explaining my reasoning for my request.
This pissed me off because if I ask for something, tell me to fuck off and tell me that I'm on my own or fucking follow through on something I asked for in a polite way. That interaction precipitated the verbalization of my frustration and anger in an empty room in the county courthouse basement.
Jesus fucking Christ, I expect that kind of response from Leah or my biological family.

I finished my work and went to take care of the cats. Pete didn't want to go outside, Kira got a paper bowl with wet food, I vacuumed the sun room and swept my former office and ensured the joint was sufficiently tidied so Leah would be happy upon returning from one of those Carolina states. I think it was South Carolina.

Afterwards I showered, sat with Marbles on the couch and found her presence soothing. Just looking at her laying against me, napping so carefree, lifted my spirits. A little later there was rain and around 6 p.m. Kira came back from her adventures since the rain had lightened up. I grabbed her and brought her inside.
Feeling weird and physically uncomfortable, I went into the guest room and laid down. Kira followed me, jumped on the bed and settled on a pillow near my head and we dozed for about two and a half hours together.

Being lazy, I'm going to repost here what I texted my friend in Matawan.

Leah is away. am taking care of the cats. This is Kira. Since I left, she has been a mostly outdoor cat. She almost always comes when she sees me on the ront stoop and I try to give her attention she probably doesn't get. Today was a tough day of anxiety and lack of self-confidence, but napping with Kira in the forbidden places (lol) helped calm me. She is fourteen years old and probably deaf.
There is a cat roleplaying game where one plays a cat. The cat's job is to protect their humans from invisible spirits who inflict anger, sadness, and anxiety. I like to imagine that Kira did that for me.
For what it's worth, I think she goes out hoping to find me or that I will return.
Even for a little bit.

For those of you playing along at home, Kira was found as a kitten in a schoolyard and wound up with a cat rescue from which Leah adopted Kira. I think Keeks is named after the character from The Dark Crystal but then again she might be named after Kira from Deep Space Nine or the woman at the rescue simply liked the name Kira.

And now I'll share selfies of me with Kira.