10/26/2022

Leah's getting a minor procedure done on Tuesday morning and I went to visit her on Monday afternoon. I was expecting to just give her a hug and go about the rest of my evening, but I came inside and told her about an article I found at Psyche addressing how to change your self-limiting beliefs. It's a mix of philosophy and psychotherapy that I've been picking through after reading the whole piece because something about it, a je ne sais quois, has picqued my interest.

She asks if I'd go with her when she's watering her mom's plants, after we hit CVS so she could get Hallowe'en candy then had an early dinner at the Toms River Diner. She opened up to me, and I hope she was being guarded, talking about how she felt lonely after her breakup with someone else. At the very core she was upset about feeling alone. I just listened and kept affirming how I never judge her. Behind my (hopefully) placid exterior I was struggling to keep my mouth shut from going, "You don't know loneliness" then enumerating what makes me feel lonely on a regular basis.

I think my presence and company helped mitigate her loneliness. Plus I didn't feel like I had any 'designs' on her anyway. Half of it being about guarding my own scars from the wreckage of our marriage, the other half... well there really isn't any other half. I was just being guarded for the sake of my own sanity.

Wednesday is when I find out the situation with my car and my fingers are crossed that there's no need for big repairs. I already have the body shop coming down the pipe, not to mention needing new tires on my car.