4/15/2023

Strange ruminations that have been bugging me. Let me begin with some history.

My paternal grandmother had red hair. I think it was dyed but I can not be sure nor will I ever be sure since my biological parents are dead to me. She was a strong influence on me in my youth. Not understanding why my biological mother was so very physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards me, eventually I twisted around the logic with, "She knows I'm going to be a monster when I grow up and she's punishing me so I don't wind up that way." I justified the belief since my biological mother always pointed out everything wrong in my life, made fun of me for my failings, and was a misandrist.

Sometime between my first remembered home in my New Jersey hometown being renovated and moving to the 'new' home in the same town there was a redheaded girl. To the best of my knowledge or recollection she lived at the bottom of the dead-end street to the left of the former home. Even vaguer recollections of her being nice and friendly towards me, how there was a game of hide and seek and how I hid in a refrigerator cardboad box in the basement. I think she found me but she wasn't playing. My memory is fallible.

When I switched from my hometown high school to a nearby high school for personal reasons, there was a sign language interpreter there with red hair. Very eighties red hair being big and supported by Aqua Net. This nearby high school had a special program catering to deaf people and it wasn't uncommon to be in a class where an interpreter was at the front of the room signing for a deaf kid. The redheaded sign language interpreter gave me the time of day every now and again, but I really didn't know what to say or how to say anything.

Beyond those, I don't recally any redheads in my town. Just Jews and Italians and Jews pretending to be Italian making up a strategic melanin reserve for these United States.

My paternal grandfather was long suspected of having a side piece. He'd do her hair on the weekend while the barbershop was closed and she also had red hair. To another extent my biological father probably screwed around with a redheaded woman I met once known as Pat or Sargon. He said she was a former hooker and wound up moving back to Wisconsin. My biological sister said my biological father had her talk to "Sargon" a few times for advice. Another time my biological father took me to a hole-in-the-wall Wicca shop in Greenwich Village called Enchantments.

Holy shit, they're still around.

Holy shit, The Magickal Childe closed. The guys who ran it died so maybe not so surprising?

Anyway this one time I was brought to Enchantments, my father 'ran into' a ladyfriend who was thin and young who happened to have red hair. Not coppery red nor auburn, but dark red like ochre. At one point I turned away from the books and saw them kissing then turned back around since I thought it was gross. Yeah, I was in my early twenties at the time.

Flash forward to sometime in the late 1990s. I met a woman in her fifties on IdMOO with the handle of Delenn. Yes it's a Babylon 5 reference. When she moved from Texas back to Virginia, we met up somewhere at a cheap motel in Virginia. She had red hair. Maybe six months or a year later I met up with her where she lived, met the cats where she lived, and typical things one does when internet people meet in real life. It was awkward with her being about half my age.

Kinja / Ziliekha, the Italian American princess who was married to a Muslim guy dyed her hair red. I remember remarking about how her hair was red like a penny.

When I met Devotchka from LambdaMOO she had dyed her hair red.

Out in Colorado I don't recall seeing many redheads but I really wasn't looking for them.

Which brings us to Edna, a redhead.

It would seem there's a pattern with men of my line and women with red hair. Perhaps sometime in the deep past our epigenetics were tweaked by amorous encounters with neanderthals or just regular red haired female Homo sapiens. Maybe it's a curse that red headed women will be our Achilles heel?

Since I've been catsitting, I've become close with Kira. Kira's a skinny tabby from Staten Island who has gone deaf and still wants to go outdoors. I told myself if, for whaetver reason, I wind up breeding by choice or accident and have a daughter then she will be named Kira. Let everyone think she's named Kira after Kira Nerys on Deep Space Nine when she's really named for a beloved cat.
The thought which crossed my mind, getting back to the opening statement, is maybe this little girl will be a redhead. Even though I'd be in my twilight years and running out the clock somewhere, she'd be the focus of my life. Maybe my true redheaded love isn't a wife or a girlfriend but a daughter.

Just wanted to get that out.