12/11/2023

"The aliens upstairs left their window open. Again!" howled Ted as he walked in circles using his bad leg as a pivot. With a deep sigh, "Ted, they're not aliens..." but Bob was shut down faster than a social media site. Eyes full of rage, and cheap whiskey, pierced Bob, "They sure has heck weren't born here and they blew up our moon!" Heck carried a lot of weight and only got tossed around when Ted felt the urge to drop the f-bomb but his Catholic school upbringing remained resolute well into his sixth decade. Cheeks flushed red, "And don't you give me that horseshit of 'Companions' either. That's like when everybody was talking about pronouns like there are more than two sexes." The autistic whine in his voice became pronounced while pronouncing the word pronouns and saved him the effort of doing air quotes.
Bob could only watch the crippled gnome froth at the mouth and beat his chest while raging about the Kova.
Behind Ted, Bob saw the resident Kova amble downstairs and glance at the tantrum with four violet lenses. E wasn't bad. The Kova weren't bad at all. Just when they made their entrance and emigrated Earthwards many folks weren't particularly keen they destroyed the moon. At the time governments thought the Kova were waggling their space-dicks to intimidate Earth into unconditional surrender, but a couple of cosmic glass beads later nearly every government declared the Kova to be welcome additions to Earth's family. It also helped the Kova's ship became Earth's new moon by adjusting its density to avoid Earth wobbling and becoming uninhabitable. Kento Kova, what they called the ship, also deployed its solar sail so there still was a night light for the turtles, frogs, whales, moths, and other critters. A lot of musicians breathed a sigh of relief that day then busily set about writing new love songs about young couples pitching woo underneath the Kento.

At first the Kova were startling to apprehend. Standing about five foot tall on four legs with four smaller manipulators and a neck topped with a sensory ball they were like centaurs but thinner and then again, nothing like a horse or a human. The sensory ball had four violet lenses, like I said before, along with what we call a 'noodle' for taking nutrients and used for whistling communication or their whistling attempts to speak human languages. They insisted we call them Companions, emphasizing how they were here to help but also here to stay. Some still dare call them guests, even to what we treat as their faces, but overall they're more afraid of us than one would anticipate. "Ted." Bob said it more firmly now. "Where they're from, they're used to the cold weather. Our corner of New Jersey during late October is their Bermuda. Their Florida."
"Well I'm hecking cold, I own this house," Ted just raged, "And if HE" Ted cracked a vicious smile using the human pronoun as if he got in a shot on the behalf of the human race, "...if HE doesn't like it then he can hecking leave!"

Nobody knew the Kova's name. The Kova tried twice to teach us how to pronounce eir name, suggesting a human equivalent e found pleasing to facilitate socialization, but instead Ted just referred to em as "that alien" but he did say "that Kova" on Christmas last year.
The Companion sidled into the kitchen with a plate and silverware, "I beg excuse, I must clean" then set about clanking and scrubbing the dishes and utensils. Ted looked conspiratorially at Bob and turned to the Companion.
"H-hey. You need to use hot water on the dishes or they'll n-never get clean." Ted wandered over to the Companion and put his finger in the stream of water, "Oh that water's much too cold" then cranked the hot water full-blast. "There ya go."
The Companion turned around with water vapor rising behind him and looked at Ted. "W-whatcha gonna do? Finish washing the d-dishes!" Eir manipulator went to turn the water towards cold to Ted's annoyance, "NO! I TOLD YOU THE WATER MUST BE HOT OR THE PLATE WILL NEVER GET CLEAN!" Two lower lenses shut, but the upper lenses stared blindly at Ted. No pupils. "You look like a deer in the headlights. Stop staring and get back to cleaning!"
Bob knew this Companion endured a lot from Ted. The other tenant, Fred, was on Ted's team as a fellow xenophobe and did his part to make the Companion feel uncomfortable and unwelcome.
Several whistles tooted from the Companion's noodle, followed by the clack of a plate in the sink full of scalding hot water and the ting of silverware. As the Companion stepped forward, Ted stepped backwards keeping a good three feet between them before shouting at the Companion's back, "Whatcha gonna do? Zap me with your ray gun?" His cruel laugh was punctuated by a finger gun and making zapping noises.
The front door slammed behind the Companion. Bob looked Ted, pinching the bridge of his nose with exasperation. "What? Now we'll look into getting a human to live in that space." His voice rose, "A human from Earth!"

Later that night was a commotion outside. People were gathered in the street, some shrieking, others talking loudly, and the ruckus woke Ted from his "much-needed" shuteye. He pulled on the ratty green robe, his shoes, and grabbed his metal cane to limp outside. Outside was darker than expected since it was supposed to be a full kento, or Moon 2 among the more racist humans, according to the calendar. Rather than a full kento a few arcseconds smaller than the old moon there was nothing. From the scared voices one could hear the word 'moon' being repeated in whispers. The horrid little man turned and went back inside to turn on the cable news channel. People were talking about how the Kova left Earth. Every last one of them.

The next morning journalists were doing on-the-scene reports of ocean tides being weaker, speculating the impact on the ocean's ecosystem. Reports from the nightside were rife with animals being discombobulated along with some climate changes already noticable without the mass and gravity of the Kova Kento.
Surrounded by chatter of eschatology, Ted sat down and started a new posting on Greg's List for his new vacancy. For all the trouble and grief caused by that alien, he jacked up the rent by a hundred bucks.