Saturday was cold. Temperatures started at 10° Fahrenheit / -12° Celsius / 261 Kelvin.

On Saturday I made my chili in my new slow cooker and it came out well.

  • 1 pound ground beef
  • 1 pound bulk hot sausage
  • 1 onion
  • 1 pound elbow macaroni
  • 2 jars tomato sauce
  • ½ dark chocolate bar (Cadbury's)
  • Chili powder
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Paprika
  • Red pepper

Cook the meat with the onion, salt, and pepper. Dump it into the slow cooker. Pour in the sauce, add the spices, add the elbow macaroni and chocolate. Set it on high for four hours, or low for six hours, et voilà you now have a pot of chili.

Added some leftover buffalo wing sauce to the mix along with sriracha. It came out good, very dense, but didn't smell 'dark' nor overly spicy.

Around 2:30 I showered and suddenly felt very full, figuring it was the chili, and how I'd just have two sodas rather than eating with Malyss and her husband. Took a nap, woke twice because of discomfort, then left the house at 4:30-ish to meet them at Mogo. Pulled over once to dry heave in the street and became aware that the area around my left kidney was insistently painful. By now the temperature was rising and it was 28° F / -2° C / 271 Kelvin. I was wearing thermals, sweatpants, a t-shirt, an overshirt, my 'nice' jacket, a tuque, and my lobster-claw gloves were in my pockets so I was overdressed when I didn't need the gloves or thermals.

Found free parking across from Johnny Mac's and walked the rest of the way to Mogo. Malyss and her husband were early, as usual, but I was beginning to feel like shit. Malyss was chatty as usual but I found it hard to concentrate, having to excuse myself twice to dry heave in the bathroom. After my second trip I apologized and excused myself. Heading back to the car was even worse, everything I perceived was amplified and caricatured by the pain. Walking past Cookman Creamery there were some loud, chatty 20-somethings coming up behind me and I kept thinking, "Just fucking walk around me already!"
I maintained my composure, everything focused on my left kidney, and when I reached my car I dry-heaved some more. Felt like I had to take a poo, wandered into Johnny's to use their bathroom but they were both engaged. While waiting I was near the spot where folks pick up their complimentary pizzas and those pizzas smelled awful. Something was really wrong. Got into a bathroom but nothing happened and left. Thing about leaving is there were three girls taking up the space of six and I had to say "Excuse me" three times to get them out of my fucking way. Some guy was walking on his hands, much to the annoyance of the bouncers, and I was concerned he'd wind up banging into me except he brought himself right-side up in short order.
Outside again I thought walking would help the pain, or at least get things moving through my bowels, but that was a fool's errand. More dry-heaving and I phoned my friend in Matawan but she didn't pick up. The kidney pain made me think I was dying, my mind raced with potential outcomes like having my kidney removed so I decided I was going to the emergency room.

Turns out I was passing a kidney stone.

A 4mm kidney stone moving through my ureter.

They saw me quickly, I was completely wiped out and in pain. They administered anti-nausea medication along with tylenol on a drip which helped ease my pain but the tylenol wore of quick and so did the anti-nausea medication because within an hour I was vomiting. Sadly vomiting didn't bring me a feeling of catharsis and I still felt awful. A CAT scan determined the size of the kidney stone along with its position in the ureter, and per the doctor there was a long way for the stone to travel. Turns out I had to endure that journey until it reached the bladder, then after that the stone would be peed out with no discomfort.
The ER doctor said she didn't want to give me tylenol again and the next step was morphine. I refused but an hour later I realized I needed something to mitigate the pain so I could try to sleep and make time pass like the kidney stone. They gave me a small dose and it brought the pain down from 4 to a 2. My durance proceeded, tossing and turning in the gurney, being half-awake, and feeling miserable. Got booted a little after 1 a.m. and went home.
I did get annoyed because the nurses said the 24 hour Walgreens down the road could fill my prescription. When I go there it turns out the store is open 24 hours, but not the pharmacy. Back in the 'hood I climbed into bed and slept. Woke around six in the morning, the pain was much less and I pissed. Two hours later the pain was subsiding and I pissed yet again. Didn't see the stone but I'm assuming it did come out.

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