2/8/2023
I really didn't want to go to work today, but I need to go to work. Fortunately work was benign and I completed a bunch of invoices making me feel accomplished. Between invoices, I kept feeling lonely and unfulfilled in life. Nothing I do is meaningful, nothing I do nourishes my soul. Instead I'm giving myself a string of distractions. On one hand I know without distractions I'm going to ruminate and begin getting stuck in my head, spiralling down. On the other hand I could be doing more things to make myself happy. Unfortunately there is no gripping hand. For example I'm pretty lax about updating inkubo.org and most times find it difficult to feel pleasure in the act of writing for the site. Same goes for the fortean website. Sure there are glimmers, other times I am reminded of why I enjoy writing, but it's so much easier to do nothing.
On the 22nd I'm going to the urologist to see about my kidney stone issue and enquire about my PSA going from 1.8 to 2.2, as advised by my physician.
Hoping it rains on Tuesday night and washes the road salt off my car.
