2/9/2024

Sent a haiku to Sarah. Feeling pressed for time, I didn't get clever and make it an innuendo as I thought in my hazy, sleepy mind. Yet I kept the desert and winter motif.

Dawn breaks like thin ice;
Long shadows reveal desert.
Red, orange, and gold.

A few minutes into my commute I mailed off my valentines. Leah's valentine will be delivered in-person, or at least left somewhere that she can find it easily.

I microdosed before work. Kept four dropper-fulls in my mouth for about ten minutes and it helped me through the day. Around 9:58 a.m. I had a rush making me feel like I wanted to be social. Around 11:42 I think I made peace with the whole divorce scenario and texted Yael, "Yeah Leah's chapter is complete. She will just appear as a supporting character." Noting how a friend is best kept at arm's length rather than pushed away.

While driving home from work, I realized my LSD microdose probably helped me put aside the horseshit surrounding my previous living situation. Living in Seaside Park is different. The town is quiet and I feel safer than I had in the other place. Thought about how I'd like to live here year-round and if it'd be possible, short of winning the lottery. I still need to set up my final wishes where I am cremated and scattered either at White Sands beach in South Seaside Park or at Sunset Beach in Cape May. At least people will be visiting my final resting place on a regular basis. At least until the ocean levels rise.

Told my friend Wednesday that the 2024 election will be of interest, but the 2028 election will make or break the country. I am assuming Biden gets a second term in this context. Biden is a protest vote against the challenger. Hoping in 2028 there will be a Democratic candidate with a spine who will work for people, rather than protect people's wealth.

Watched The Sum Of All Fears and it was okay. Listened to the podcast Film Stories talk about the film and figured I should watch it. Felt a little melancholy afterwards but not because of the film's subject matter. Just beating myself up and doubting my future.