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"You know a real friend? Someone you know will look after your cat after you are gone."
— William S. Burroughs


Gratefuly I requested a doctor's note to return to work on Tuesday because early Monday morning I awoke with some pain that I rated at a 2. Reckon my ureter is still sore from the passage. Emailed the note to work, went to the pharmacy but they don't open 'til nine so I'm back here writing this nonsense. At nine I'll call the urologist about an appointment then I'm going to pick up my prescriptions.

Two prescriptions: One's anti-nausea and the other is to dilate vessels. The stool softener and tylenol were not prescription strength so I bought those separately. Tylenol appears to be working as intended, still waiting for the stool softener to get things moving. Feeling very tired right now because I've been awake since 4 a.m.

Been having dreams of kissing Edna, nibbling her earlobes, and actually reading into her nonsense when she'd say, "When Leah goes to work, come wake me up." As I wrote before Leah would go to work, then I'd go to the guest room, nudge Edna awake, and step back out. For those of you playing along at home I am oblivious. Anyway the dreams made me nauseous but also stirred something inside of me which increased the nausea.

Went for a two and a half mile walk. Basically from the 'hood down to the center of Asbury Park, past Johnny's, and back to the 'hood. Exercise helped but also I needed the activity to jiggle things up in my stomach since I haven't pooped since Friday night.

Feeling very bloated around 8 o'clock, I hit the pharmacy for laxatives and an enema. Wound up not needing the enema since the laxatives were enough for me. Before bed I had my first movement, then later at night I had a squirty one.


I really didn't want to go to work today, but I need to go to work. Fortunately work was benign and I completed a bunch of invoices making me feel accomplished. Between invoices, I kept feeling lonely and unfulfilled in life. Nothing I do is meaningful, nothing I do nourishes my soul. Instead I'm giving myself a string of distractions. On one hand I know without distractions I'm going to ruminate and begin getting stuck in my head, spiralling down. On the other hand I could be doing more things to make myself happy. Unfortunately there is no gripping hand. For example I'm pretty lax about updating inkubo.org and most times find it difficult to feel pleasure in the act of writing for the site. Same goes for the fortean website. Sure there are glimmers, other times I am reminded of why I enjoy writing, but it's so much easier to do nothing.

On the 22nd I'm going to the urologist to see about my kidney stone issue and enquire about my PSA going from 1.8 to 2.2, as advised by my physician.

Hoping it rains on Tuesday night and washes the road salt off my car.

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