Back in 2014 when I was pissing my life away as a salesperson for First Student, there was a time where I was thinking about Lauren Kronson. She’s the goth gal I met in July of 2002, then she turned me down, then appeared once or twice again in my life before I returned to the east coast.
And then I receive this email: I’ve thought of you frequently recently and wonder how you are, and if you’d like to correspond.I have to head to work actually right now, but perhaps you’d like to exchange emails?
We talked a tiny bit, connected on Facebook, then I did something which had Lauren unfriend me and not talk to me. But the thing is I was thinking about her and BAM there’s that fucking email.
So today Edna did some Snapchats which featured her cleavage. I screenshotted them and, yes, I beat off to them. All day I was talking about how I’m distancing myself from Edna and only waiting for her to contact me. I’ll post the email later. Either way, Edna was really on my mind. What’s worse is the secretary-gatekeeper of the deed room is a senior citizen with red hair. One of the other title searchers in the county courthouse is a redhead. The weird situation with that girl Megan, well Megan’s a redhead. It’s like old fashioned magick of “surround yourself with symbols of the items you desire, and what you desire will come to you”.
Edna phoned me like thirty minutes ago coming home from her metamour’s place. I’m sure that’s an implication they had rough, penetrative sex. I was already starting to get stoned from deep, long tokes off my pipe. She invited me to a polyamory meetup at a diner in New Hope on Friday or Saturday night.
I explained how I liked her photos and her cleavage looked amazing.
Being stoned and trying to think straight, I think I was weird but I don’t care because I am stoned right now. You’d think I was fourteen years old always mentioning weed like some girl talking about how she met some celebrity.
Speaking of which, when I went to the Four Seasons Diner with Leah on Tuesday night the corner of my eye was being tickled. Eventually I began glancing and saw there was a woman sitting inside one of the booths but she was crosslegged on the bench. She was wearing pajama bottoms and a slouchy, at home watching tv shirt. Being me, I wondered if she was barefoot or not. The way she was sitting crosslegged, and probably a chair or table, made it hard to see if she had bare soles. But she got up to use the facilities, came back, and I saw her tuck her bare feet under her thighs. I was smitten more than usual. She had stringy blonde hair tied up in one of those buns that keep flyaways out of their face but they’re too lazy to fix their hair. Anyway the diner girl’s scene really struck me. I might model the mom in The Whisperer on Elm Street after Miss Nameless Diner Girl.
But anyway, all my mentions of never contacting Edna and she can contact me summoned her.
Summoned her like I had summoned Siggy/Lauren. I used Siggy/Lauren because I didn’t mention she was known online as Siggy and felt too lazy explaining or rewriting this entry.
So I’m thinking about showing up and checking the scene.
Everything about this week has good and increasing as the week progresses. For example I was literally happy at work. I was aware of the smile on my face and it wasn’t going away, much like the boners I’d have when I was twelve, and then I listened to Lady Gaga’s Million Reasons and it felt good. Sure, I had moments of doubt and defeat but I realize everything’s inching upwards towards the cosmos.
And as I write this, I’m listening to Godspeed You Black Emperor’s Lift Up Your Skinny Wrists Like Antennas to Heaven. Fantastic shit. I tweeted earlier that Godspeed You Black Emperor is much better than Tool. Followed by how The OA is more chaos magick than the band called Tool. And the whole thing I mentioned about having the power to draw things to me is fucking chaos magick. It’s the same force of consciousness which will beget a tulpa.
I know that I am magick incarnate. Precog dreams. One or two vulgar acts of will. Wielding the laws of attraction. Or maybe a shaman whose god chose him, rather than the other way around. I can lay my hands upon cats and heal them. Always touch their heads with your right hand and say, “God bless”. Touch them with your left hand, “I love you” since the left hand is closest to your heart.