Hi there, it's been a while since my original site went offline back in October of 2011. I took down the website because I hoped it would make my soon-to-be ex-wife happy and avoid stressing her out. I would air all kinds of dirty laundry back in the day, I had no filter, and at that time I wanted to put her first and keep her happy. Even if it meant taking away something which was a huge part of my life. A place to write, to process my thoughts, and create a record of my life in the gossamer medium of the world wide web.
Unsurprsingly a lot has happened in the 3,620 day intermission since the original site went dark and my attempt to bring it back to life and rediscover myself. For the pedants out there, that's 9 years, 10 months, and 28 days. Beforehand, the site was up for 4,417 days which amounts to 12 years, 1 month, and 4 days which is a win since it means I've been writing longer than I haven't been writing. During the interim, I've been a regular contributor to a website concerned with forteana and anomalistics. My contributions are relegated to the weekend but I run the social media, collect links, and sometimes provide a write-up during the week.
Major events during those 3,620 days, in brief, consist of a string of dead-end jobs, patches of unemployment, joined the local astronomy club, beginning cognitive behavioral therapy, taking magic mushrooms, became Vice President-Secretary of the club in addition to the newsletter editor, becoming a business partner with a friend and their bookkeepiing outfit, suddenly losing my black cat familiar Dorp, becoming estranged from my business partner/friend, learned Esperanto, my wife angrily declaring she's going to act she's single regardless of what I think, my attempts at reconciliation, a glimmer of hope, becoming a pothead, hope was just a delusion on my part, being forced to move out, and awaiting divorce.
Regardless of how traditional sitcoms treat divorce with actors giving huge sighs of relief, endlessly chasing pussy, jokes about how the other spouse are completely insane and the like do not effectively convey the mental and emotional trauma of divorce. Some days I feel pretty solid and I'm ready to face challenges and grab brass rings, while other days I just crumble and burn with self-recrimination by solely blaming myself for everything which has come to pass. The weekend of 9/25 and 9/26 has been an exemplar of the latter.
For those of you who may remember my old site, please be patient because I'm rusty when it comes to writing. Or typing, if you want to be a bitch like Truman Capote. Any writing I've done has been half-assed on various spiral-bound notebooks in storage, two gratitude journals from 2014-2015, shitposting on Twitter, and contributing to the forteana site.
Now an aside which is more about the current me. I visited the old house to check on the cats since I'm not allowed to have pets in my new lodgings. Sha-Sha was hiding. Marbles was resting on the back couch. Kira was outside. Handsome Pete and Lilah were resting together on the love seat. The cats aren't snuggly with each other except for Pete and Lilah. Lilah wasn't on top of Pete, but he was in paw's reach while Pete was content to merely "be". If anything, Pete and Lilah's relationship complicates my relationship status since Pete is Her familiar and Lilah came with me all the way from Colorado in 2009 to Staten Island then New Jersey.
I remember sitting in Jaybird and maribou's basement back in July of 2008 and Jay brought Lilah to me. "She's been sick, something with her tummy" he whispered as he gently placed her on my belly then walked away. I looked down at that sleeping two month-old kitten and whispered, "Anything you ever need, I will take care of it for you." Despite Lilah being an independent cat, remaining feral-ish, she is my girl and I love her with all my heart. I believe her feral origins are what endear her to Handsome Pete who was a bit of a wanderer before he finally came home.
So I looked at the pair and thought, "If my entire purpose in life was to bring these two cats together, drive 1700 miles, get married, only to have it fail, then I know I did one good thing in life." I bid them good bye, said good bye to the other cats, and drove away.
One last thing I want to mention is how much I need to relearn what I've done here before, and how I'm going to do it in the future. I briefly had a WordPress site at this domain, but it wasn't worth my time considering the circumstances and was deleted, but I kept the domain since the original domain is now being squatted on by someone else. Since I smoke weed on a regular basis, dreams have been few and far between. Weed helps me manage life. I'm still the person who created this site and put a lot of work into it, beyond writing 800+ words a day, but I've changed so much over the last nine years. Right now I'm fortunate I have the site up and running in a semblance of the old site.
The old site still exists, stored on a one terabyte hard drive, but I don't see that coming back anytime soon unless the mood suits me.
Right now my aim is to get back into the groove of journalling, recount the major events of my life from my perspective, in addition to chronicling my tiny life in the pandemic-ridden year of 2021.
