10/20/2021

Wow, I'm stoned by 8 p.m. and it has me in a weird head space. At the moment my right ankle hurts for some reason. I suspect the culprit is anxiety and being restless in an office chair at the county or at home. Around 6:30 I took four advil. I am very tired.

stuff

Back in the early to mid nineties I was part of a gaming group. We played Vampire: The Masquerade and HERO System for years through many different games and game masters. We were a close group and we'd often go see movies on their premier night if they aligned with our tastes. One thing which always bugged me was being at a game session, but people would talk about hanging out but I wasn't invited along. Typically it was everyone except me. Reminded me of the scene from Homer The Great from 1995 with the No Homers Club. Funny thing is they didn't have another person in the group with my first name, shortened or full. After a while this little piece of irritating sand began to grow like a pearl in an oyster's shell.

July of 2001, I packed up and moved away to Colorado. October of 2009, I packed up and moved to Staten Island, then to Toms River.

At Leah's urging, I joined the local astronomy club. At first I was just a member. Then I volunteered to produce their newsletter from 2016 until 2021. During my tenure as the newsletter editor, I became Vice President-Secretary for two years. While I didn't attend every star party, and when I did I didn't bring along my humble 80mm refractor, I was active with the club. And I started to notice something. Members of the club were getting together for one-off star gazing events but weren't notifying me.

For what it's worth, I left the astronomy club in 2021 because of the approaching life change. I have had little to do with the old gaming group. The little interaction I've had with the old gaming group was the chance encounter with Szilvia at a gaming meetup I heard about through my dealer. It was nice that she remembered me but, back in the day, I merely knew of her rather than knowing her. Nor do I mean "know" in the context of Genesis 19:5. We have little in common nor interest in each other.

Still shit like this is why I often decide to avoid people rather than impose myself upon them.