10/26/2021

Trying to catch up here at inkubo.org. Being stoned and tired has been a poor combination when it comes to writing on a regular basis.

Thursday was a really mentally tough day for me. Friday was somewhat better, probably because Monmouth seems to be less adversarial than Ocean, and I was able to have a little interaction with people. I went to Sweet Lew's for lunch where I wrote down some story ideas and some gimmicks for future stories, rather than futzing around on my phone with social media and reddit nonsense. Saturday was rough again, but I spent most of the day asleep or stoned once I finished writing for the fortean website. Nice bit was going outside with my weed kit, sitting in the big wicker chair under gray skies then falling asleep stoned. Funny thing, I woke up because I started to feel cold.

On Sunday I hoofed it up to Livingston to pick up a quarter ounce of marijuana from my dealer.

When I was driving to my dealer up JFK Parkway, the trees on either side were dramatically changing to red and gold. At one point there were many leaves falling to the ground and it felt like autumn and it pleased me. Just everything about the contrast between the dark, gray sky and the sunset-colored leaves beginning to fill out the boughs had the perfect balance of light and dark.

Autumn is a magnificent season.

For one reason or another I thought of Ziliekah. Must be the old memory of the young girl playing with her puppy in one of the many parks of Jockey Hollow around sunset.

The weed provided to me looked really good, as always. Even though I could only stay for a few minutes, we had a good chat, caught up, and will probably hang out soon. After that transaction I drove into Bloomfield, met up with my friend and we checked out a haunted house display in Clifton. For years a dentiist has been putting on an elaborate Hallowe'en display for the neighbors, and Bloomfield wanted to show me. I snapchatted a bunch then saved more than a few to upload to InstaGram. Afterwards we hit Aldi to pick up pumpkins to carve. I was going to suggest we go to an actual pumpkin patch but Aldi was faster and cheaper, so who was I to argue?
Our next stop was Target for pumpkin-carving tools. Now that we were loaded for bear, we went to Holsten's for a late lunch. Bloomfield told me there are tour groups which arrive on Thursdays (?) to see the place and the staff play Journey's Don't Stop Believin' for them, in addition to complimentary onion rings. It was neat, I'm still way too fat to sit in booths and I have no idea how James Gandolfini could fit in one but he did. Bloomfield and I talked about our experiences with separation and divorce in addition to Bloomfield's advice on the matter.

We went back to Bloomfield, carved pumpkins, watched the dogs run around in the yard, and talked some more. Bloomfield carved a stencil of a spooky cat on a fence upon their pumpkin while I free-carved a triclops and a skull jack o'lantern. After that, we chatted some more and I brought up Edna. The advice I received concerned how religious people suffer inordinately from guilt and to try and consider how Edna might be wracked with guilt over how she treated me, or her husband, or others in her life. Bloomfield and I agree that religion is toxic. Or maybe just Christianity and its denominations. My dealer is very Jewish and they seem to be quite level-headed.

I have yet to figure out how to drive home from Bloomfield, but I told Google Maps to get me to the center of town in Millburn and from there I wandered my way back home in Neptune. I hit the hay, sober, by 11 p.m..

As for Monday, my workload was light. I wrote up a to-do list and called it a day. Weather was warm, but the next couple of days are supposed to be rainy and cool. Rain in autumn is nice, but it tends to ruin the leaf display. I went to Aldi, found I could buy a bake-at-home pizza for less than six bucks and bought a glow-in-the-dark succulent which now sits upon my desk. There's a living thing in my room and I am responsible for it.

All things considered, I feel okay but I am very tired. What I learned over the past handful of days is I easily get stuck in my head, and when I do it seems intractable. But all I need to do is reach out to people, maybe see them in person and suddenly a switch is flipped and I begin to feel better again.