1/18/2022

Sunday night was a weird night. Yesterday's entry began on Sunday night, but I think I was overtired at 7 p.m. and couldn't form coherent thoughts. I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, eating dinner, and browsing the web which meant my brain was spread thin. The whole while I was defaulting to beating myself up, "You're stupid. Being around Leah for so long made you like her. You staying in your living space and not moving isn't helping and you're going to die of dementia." among other thoughts kept me company. My brain, being mine, then went on a tangent on how I was doomed, nothing's going to change, and it's just a sharp decline from here.

As I write this, it's a new day. My thoughts are clear. I'm only looking at two screens, my work computer has the email up in case the home office wants me to take care of work and my laptop has Bluefish open for me to write down my thoughts.

I need to be kinder to myself.

the left ankle

The fact my left ankle was acting up made me very self-conscious. I didn't want to wind up at the podiatrist on Tuesday and have her tell me to immobilize that foot after keeping my right foot immobilized for a month. Worried that fellow title searchers will think I'm doing attention-seeking nonsense and I was never injured in the first place.
On Monday I sat most of the day, doing title jobs, playing a little Stardew Valley, and putzing around in general. The whole time I made a point of keeping my left leg stationary, the foot planted flat on the floor, and my leg bent at a 90° angle. After a couple hours of this I got up to take a shower and my heel didn't hurt me. I think I was pressing my foot firmly down against the floor but I'm unsure. Early on with my Achilles tendon injury on my right leg, I found this worked for me. Guess I'll just ask my podiatrist during my appointment.

y'know

I texted my sister asking her to wish me luck on Monday night. She asks why and I tell her then she responds with, "People don't like unannounced visitors".

Bitch, go fuck yourself. I just asked you to wish me luck, you wished me luck, then the next breath you send me that message.

I told her that's Leah. That's my biological mother. She didn't take it well. My little sister continued to text me and I told her I'm tuning her out.

I don't need that kind of shit. Plus I want to remain civil and not hate her.