1/22/2022

I need to get over myself and go to physical therapy. Rather than going out on Friday, I stayed home to clean my living space and watch Arctic Void. A little restlessness kicked in and I decided to finally take down the Christmas lights. n.b. they were not lit nor plugged in since the Feast of the Epiphany or maybe a little before. Also I cleaned the mat underneath my office chair, swept the floor, and took out the recycle which made me feel a bit better.

Early Friday morning I expressed some of what's going on in my head to Bloomfield, checked in again around 5:30 p.m., but never got a response making me worry that maybe I stepped over a line.

Taking down the Christmas lights was a little fraught because it required me to get on my hands and knees to complete the job. That task alone made me remember being back in Toms River. I always had a hard time getting down on my knees, searching through the back of the lowest possible shelf, and it all goes back to the first time I injured my right ankle.

Sometime in January of 2012, long after I took down heptapod.org, I was working a job in Manasquan doing cold calls for contract research organizations involved with pharmaceuticals. I went upstairs to use the john but when I came down I tripped on the stairs and hurt myself. Before this incident I was doing squats on a regular basis, I could kneel and stand from the floor with minimal fuss. Heck in Colorado Springs Jaybird dragged me to Feldy's house once a week to do kettlebells and squats. I recall talking to one of the managers at Usury, Inc, my long-time employer in the 'Springs, about my trip to Staten Island to meet Leah for the first time. I was squatting, resting on my heels comfortably and chatting next to her at her desk. After the 2012 incident, I lost that capacity. At the time I had shitty health insurance, I didn't go to a doctor and basically toughed it out. Everything about my injury from Thanksgiving in 2021 reminds me of that incident except there was no slip and fall.

I need to stop being obstinate and go to physical therapy.

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