6/4/2022

For some reason I was calling Leah and I reached her voicemail. "Hi..." it was her long and extended I in her current voicemail, "... this is Frank and Leah and we can't come to the phone right now. Please leave a message and we'll get back to you as soon as we can."
This fucking woke me up. I couldn't go back to sleep and spent a lot of time counting my breaths and trying to make them even and the same length to calm down and fall back asleep. I've been trying not to check my phone at night and I didn't want to know how close dawn was so I kept my purple shirt over my eyes. To the best of my memory there were three cycles of breath counting, inhale was odd and exhales were even, and I did get back to sleep.

Yet I woke up an hour late because I turned off my alarm on my phone. Still the workload was far from onerous and I made the best of the situation. I microdosed after my shower. As of Thursday I refreshed my Everclear microdose solution with two tabs and wanted to see what was going to happen. By the time I reached the county it was like I had taken off sunglasses I've worn perpetually for years. Unfortunately it made me very susceptible to negative emotions and I quickly became frustrated by a message the other day from my manager, "Notes are requesting documents that are online. Provide them regardless." Also another note this morning saying I fucked up missing a deed with a missing lot. Jesus fuck. Plus I was stuck chasing ghosts all day because one note I couldn't grantee (1. a person to whom a grant or conveyance is made, 2. to search for such a person in key indexes) the grantor on a deed from 1967. Had to print out the indexes to send back to the office to show my work. I went over those indexes three times for fuck's sake. I have a full search where I can't grantee someone and it's a strict search signifying that I have to run everyone back to sixty years rather than simply providing the chain of title.

I am not in a good headspace. Going to pick up Italian food, watch The Orville, eat, and... smoke marijuana.

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