6/22/2022

When the dream came into focus I was in the house where I lived before leaving or Colorado. There were cats there, but also people I know from 2022. I believe Lilahcat was there and she was being more social than normal. Snow was falling outside and the cats were going in and out, letting in the cold but also raising my anxiety since I didn't want the cats to freeze to death. I had a car in the drieway, a red Volkswagen, which wound up being stolen during the night. I tried to get help but I was left on my own despite all the people gathered in this house. Back inside I found the people from my monthly support group including the the angry goth chick who reminds me of Siggy back in Colorado. We talked a while ago online but now they're weird online. All the people in the house clustered around Leah who is crying, so I take a back seat (so to speak) but once they have Leah calmed down and just sniffling. Leah doesn't come to me for comfort. It's as if I am not there. I think I'm dead in the dream. I realize nobody in the house is acknowledging my presence so I walk into their midst, realize they finally see me. I think of a Star Trek episode from the original series, the episode eludes me, roll my eyes back and slide to the ground for attention. The fall happened in one smooth motion but nobody cared.
Eventually I woke up in this creaky sack of meat, bones, and fat and recounted as much of this nightmare as possible three minutes after the solstice proper.
Maybe I shouldn't drink alcohol again. Right now I feel so very alone and abandoned.

It's 11:10 a.m. on 6/21/2022 and I feel very angry.

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