3/1/2022

Just listening to Elvis Costell's Deportee on repeat. Not obsessively, but it's there.

Why? Long ago when I was more naïve, I listened to Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History podcast and it introduced me to the song. I've stopped listening to Malcolm Gladwell because he's a bullshit artist who cherry picks his data points then makes them into a connect-the-dots picture which ultimately makes no sense. I'm not one to talk, but I'm not making a living from spouting my opinions and "research" on the internet. Hell, I'm spending nearly $100 to maintain this site and domain name.

When I listened to it, I found it to be very sad and contemplative. I caught snippets of lyrics, eventually read the lyrics along with the song, and it made me think of Leah. Just her going out, how she enjoys alcohol, but more negatively her whoring around and "writing her number on your paper cuff", and all the while I'm the sad, drunk schmuck in the Italian restaurant watching from a corner and too beta to step forward.

Which elicits a memory from my friend Elbie around the time I was fixin' to move out. Nota bene: Leah kicked me out, it wasn't my choice. Elbie mentioned, "Leah isn't that good looking" and even with the enmity burning inside of me, I was disappointed in him. I didn't give him a death glare nor say anything, just let it pass like a mature adult, but I lost a little respect for him since I've never said boo about his wife nor his personal decisions between 2015 and 2017. Hell, I was a bit more supportive of his wife than him.

I am pretty sure I am no longer in love with Leah, but I still love her and something about that touches a raw nerve.

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